Attachment -Detachment :NonAttachment
As I do not claim to be an expert or a spiritual teacher, I would like to adds some form my own understanding.After the shocking and disturbing realization of death ,I after a lot of reading and after hearing the speeches of many Gurus came to understand that attachment is one reason for sorrow and unhappiness
It is the attachment to your desired object that results in the suffering. When you do not have it, you cannot get your desire out of your mind. You become anxious, start to crave, whine, complain, envy and get frustrated because of your attachment. We usually get attached to each and everything in life .....material ,non material ,living and non living .
“Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.” -The Dalai Lama
To be attached to something means that you believe that you cannot do without it. Somehow you see that your life will be compromised without this possession. You are not able to realize the impermanence of all things physical. By being attached, you are unable to be free . Earlier I was getting everything in life , I got obsessed with that , and when I fell short of money ,when I was not getting what I want I was disappointed .I felt that my life was incomplete because of that .
Attachment in some instance can be a reason for your living ....Maybe for some ,that gives and aim in life ..and once attained you can go for other and so on.
What happened with me was I was so attached to all relationships and things , the fear of loosing them at one point or other of the life never occurred to me .
When someone broke my favorite cup I was shattered , when my kids played on the sofa I was irritated , When some one told bad about me I was hurt , When I lost something I thought it was the end ...the list goes on ...But Thank God , at a very early age itself ,the realization and thus adapting to the situation as it comes came to me ....but then it took the life of one of my dear ones ,for me to get it
That realization was an eye opener ....I learned to enjoy the moment ,the day as and how it comes ,I learned to let go the bad events and was happy with the good .
And then breaking of a cup ,or loosing something never hurt me anymore ..............Instead the sudden thought came into my mind ...that it is all the time it had to be there with me .....and no crying ,and shouting is going to bring it back .
And when kids played and made the house a mess , I started enjoying them . I wanted to treasure those moments ,Sometimes I took part with them , sometimes I watched them with happiness ...I knew that days too would come to an end ....and I want to enjoy it to the maximum.....and however mess the room or the house became .....I can always bring them back to normal ....all of us together or me alone can do it....It wont take a minute .....But if I had scolded them.....today I would have been sitting here wishing I had let them do it .
Usually we as parents , warn our children to keep the house neat ,don't mess up what if someone come in ? what if some guest come ? I also used to think that way...but then I understood it doesn't matter at all .
I always get hurt when people or my dear ones say things which I dint do ,I used to shout ,cry and even try to explain again and again to prove them wrong ....but then when the attachment to such emotions were buried ,along with them the hurt too went away .And I no longer feel the pain or hurt when someone say about me . Yes ,I still explain the situation ,but then that is it . I leave the matter thinking it is there way of thinking let it be .
Leaving the attachment to things and situations were sought of easy ,but then getting detached from relationships is not an easy job ,I say......I am still working on it .
Detachment, in my opinion, is not the same thing as non-attachment. When you are detached, you cut off your feelings. You are not able to practice empathy or compassion. You cannot see from another person’s point of view. You try to act as it it is not bothering you anymore ,but deep inside you still fell the pain and hurt .Getting into detachment can also be part of your coping mechanism. Sometimes when emotions get too overwhelming, your coping mechanism gets activated; thus causing you to withdraw.
Non-attachment on the other hand I think suggests the possibility of having a desire but not being attached to it. Hence you do not allow yourself to become overwhelmed emotionally. Neither do you permit your internal critic to take over. You take note of the negative thoughts and emotions that come up but you choose not to focus your attention on them.Here I say Ego consciousness is not there .You enjoy it knowing that it is just another moment of life ,and once it is over it is over .No desire from heart is involved ,When your heart gets involved ,you again feel the desire ....then attachment ...fear of loosing ....and then all leading to sorrow .
Non attachment is desiring knowing all the prone and cones of the relationship or the event or the thing ...not taking anything to the heart ...but still feeling happy of it .
It is the attachment to your desired object that results in the suffering. When you do not have it, you cannot get your desire out of your mind. You become anxious, start to crave, whine, complain, envy and get frustrated because of your attachment. We usually get attached to each and everything in life .....material ,non material ,living and non living .
“Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering.” -The Dalai Lama
To be attached to something means that you believe that you cannot do without it. Somehow you see that your life will be compromised without this possession. You are not able to realize the impermanence of all things physical. By being attached, you are unable to be free . Earlier I was getting everything in life , I got obsessed with that , and when I fell short of money ,when I was not getting what I want I was disappointed .I felt that my life was incomplete because of that .
Attachment in some instance can be a reason for your living ....Maybe for some ,that gives and aim in life ..and once attained you can go for other and so on.
What happened with me was I was so attached to all relationships and things , the fear of loosing them at one point or other of the life never occurred to me .
When someone broke my favorite cup I was shattered , when my kids played on the sofa I was irritated , When some one told bad about me I was hurt , When I lost something I thought it was the end ...the list goes on ...But Thank God , at a very early age itself ,the realization and thus adapting to the situation as it comes came to me ....but then it took the life of one of my dear ones ,for me to get it
That realization was an eye opener ....I learned to enjoy the moment ,the day as and how it comes ,I learned to let go the bad events and was happy with the good .
And then breaking of a cup ,or loosing something never hurt me anymore ..............Instead the sudden thought came into my mind ...that it is all the time it had to be there with me .....and no crying ,and shouting is going to bring it back .
And when kids played and made the house a mess , I started enjoying them . I wanted to treasure those moments ,Sometimes I took part with them , sometimes I watched them with happiness ...I knew that days too would come to an end ....and I want to enjoy it to the maximum.....and however mess the room or the house became .....I can always bring them back to normal ....all of us together or me alone can do it....It wont take a minute .....But if I had scolded them.....today I would have been sitting here wishing I had let them do it .
Usually we as parents , warn our children to keep the house neat ,don't mess up what if someone come in ? what if some guest come ? I also used to think that way...but then I understood it doesn't matter at all .
I always get hurt when people or my dear ones say things which I dint do ,I used to shout ,cry and even try to explain again and again to prove them wrong ....but then when the attachment to such emotions were buried ,along with them the hurt too went away .And I no longer feel the pain or hurt when someone say about me . Yes ,I still explain the situation ,but then that is it . I leave the matter thinking it is there way of thinking let it be .
Leaving the attachment to things and situations were sought of easy ,but then getting detached from relationships is not an easy job ,I say......I am still working on it .
Detachment, in my opinion, is not the same thing as non-attachment. When you are detached, you cut off your feelings. You are not able to practice empathy or compassion. You cannot see from another person’s point of view. You try to act as it it is not bothering you anymore ,but deep inside you still fell the pain and hurt .Getting into detachment can also be part of your coping mechanism. Sometimes when emotions get too overwhelming, your coping mechanism gets activated; thus causing you to withdraw.
Non-attachment on the other hand I think suggests the possibility of having a desire but not being attached to it. Hence you do not allow yourself to become overwhelmed emotionally. Neither do you permit your internal critic to take over. You take note of the negative thoughts and emotions that come up but you choose not to focus your attention on them.Here I say Ego consciousness is not there .You enjoy it knowing that it is just another moment of life ,and once it is over it is over .No desire from heart is involved ,When your heart gets involved ,you again feel the desire ....then attachment ...fear of loosing ....and then all leading to sorrow .
Non attachment is desiring knowing all the prone and cones of the relationship or the event or the thing ...not taking anything to the heart ...but still feeling happy of it .
Still, I have to admit that as much as I would like to, it has not been easy applying non-attachment. For small items, it is no sweat. I consider small items to be material things like a bag or dress etc ............you can detach from then understanding that I do not personally need these items, so no wanting there.
But for the more significant ones such as those concerning my dreams, I have found that non-attachment as one involving constant practice.
I enjoyed my moments with kids ,constantly reminding myself that , that phase of life would soon change and when it did I dint feel the pain. I was able to adapt to the new situation I was put into .....I don't feel unhappy or sad for the situation I am in , or for the lost moments .....instead I live the moment ....because this time this is the scene the great writer has wrote for ...and I have to go with it . To accept it happily or sadly is my choice and I choose the former .
I am learning non attachment ....by following some rules ....
1. Instead of living in the past ,I try to live in the present : no sulking about the past ,no worries about the future ...just living the day in a positive way
2.I`m giving up the "How `s ? ' I try to focus on the picture of my dream,but never worry how it is going to happen .However, be aware that there can be infinite possibilities and impossibilities ......but by not being rigid and staying flexible, I think opportunities will open .(My fav book 'secret ' has been an inspiration to me)
3.I am trying to take every hurdle ,every situation as a part of my learning experience ...Adopting a positive attitude, being joyful every step of the way. Thus, my happiness is not contingent upon having “arrived” at the destination.
4. Not to worry about the future ...living a life of uncertainty...be okayyy with it ....Learning to live in uncertainty, you are in a state of awareness. Life becomes exciting in its mystery, possibility and adventure.and take everything as it comes ..not with the heart involved ...but with your soul.
5. Just follow the lead :Allowing people, things and events as they are – without wanting to fix, change or judge anything. It is about using your emotions as a guide towards feeling better and better.
Watch thiese videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qbxaAAJRjgA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FSQHq9bMjj4
I dont feel pain or unhappy for nothing now ,I`ve learned to adapt myself to situations , place and things without getting attached to them anymore ......yes i admit emotions do come once in awhile ,but then they are like waves...they never stay....they come in and go in a very fast motion taking away some of the dirt from the mind ....making my mind again clean and neat.
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